tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56330212011-08-05T20:41:28.987+02:00<b>A Borderline's log.</b> _____you laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same_____ ****sanity is just a weird form of madness**** -----when you kill me you call it self defence. when i kill you i call it vengeance-----tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.comBlogger2961100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-59153905642253104282007-11-21T17:00:00.000+01:002007-11-21T17:17:31.523+01:00

I quit smoking yesterday.And my boyfriend decided, out of the goodness of his heart, or maybe just because I don't allow him to smoke indoors anymore, to join my detoxification.But not yesterday. That was 'too soon' and he wasn't 'ready.'But today he would, and we threw away all tabacco products and started a fresh and nicotineless life.But then, he already managed to buckle, to beg one of his

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-17436765625974933962007-11-18T22:11:00.000+01:002007-11-18T22:22:59.659+01:00

Strange, really, when I come to think of it.Most of my nights are filles with English dreams.At least two days a week I spend entire hours in English conversation with myself, the dog, tv, or one of my friends.More than half the times when I write in my diary the lines are English only.I watch series off of my computer, cos it's easier and I have them all in sequence, and they never have

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-21185553895822032772007-10-01T17:58:00.000+02:002007-10-01T17:59:10.378+02:00

When you hang out with young people you stay young.But at what cost?Ok, let’s start over.New beginnings for new days of new weeks in new lives.I have this friend. This gay friend.His name is Kenneth.He is near thirty and has some trouble finding a boyfriend. He keeps, like me, falling in love with the wrong kind of boys. Not wrong in the wrong kind of sense but wrong in the way that they are too

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-32436694667033042872007-03-22T08:51:00.000+01:002007-03-22T09:16:17.607+01:00

After a long leave of absense it seemed time to put something down here.The emptyness of my English blog and the fact that I had a good idea for a piece of writing made that I am now sitting in front of my too old computer trying to convince it to do what I want it to do instead of giving in to the urge to throw it out of the window.Anyway, back to the actual subject of my wonderfull idea.I am

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-15199615929657394612007-02-28T14:38:00.000+01:002007-02-28T14:51:15.157+01:00

One should not spent over an hour doing ones hair, straightning it all and carefully concealing all the fizzy parts with hairgel and then decide that there's not that much rain and the umbrella can stay home...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1169478674707266042006-12-18T16:10:00.000+01:002007-01-22T16:13:58.133+01:00

It's not that I'm absent, I'm just... busy.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1153829974246629342006-07-25T14:06:00.000+02:002006-07-25T14:19:34.360+02:00

Like any good self respecting dansclub my student organisation had a whole bunch of coloured lights available. Usually they're being operated by a light-mixing-whizkid from out lights committee. They stand on high ground, near the DJ's, overseeing the whole floor.This time I was actually working coordinating the evening. I watch all potentially annoying people for problems and make sure all our

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1152197148818828082006-07-06T16:37:00.000+02:002006-07-06T16:45:48.876+02:00

Some things are not the best of ideas.One in the list of bad ideas is thinking 'that's not that far, I can do that' when boyfriend ask you to collect his bike from the cycleshop when the furthest you can actually ride a bike is a couple of hundred meters.The seceond one would be that the bike you'll be taking in return belongs to the boyfriend that's a. about a foot taller than you and b. has

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1151512821896546002006-06-28T18:39:00.000+02:002006-06-28T18:40:21.906+02:00

What do you think? Hagrid, Ron, Hermione? Or Harry himself?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1143662897802642612006-03-29T22:06:00.000+02:002006-03-29T22:08:17.846+02:00

Things are not really going the way I want them to go. Maybe I should tell them not to go that way, but somehow it seems to me that, if they want to go this way, they will continue to go the way they want to go whether I ask them or not. So it might be better to get used to the way things are going, instead of wanting to change the going of things into a way I would prefer them to go.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1136534849807596652006-01-06T08:50:00.000+01:002006-01-06T09:12:47.193+01:00

It was New Years night. There were friends and acquaintances but still she felt alone. She watched the fireworks from behind the train window and joined the group for the walk to best friend K. where the food and the champagne would be. Nobody knew, she hid it well, or at least, she thought she did. Nobody said anything about it, and it suited her well. She managed to skip te food, there were so

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1135931528087006422005-12-30T09:22:00.000+01:002005-12-30T09:32:09.586+01:00

For some reason I am more active on my Dutch log than I am on this one. That maybe could have someting to do with the language, maybe with the ever presentness of the Dutch one cos I never shut it down. Maybe I have more readers in Dutch than I have in English, but we are working on that. I do want every month to have an entry here, if possible even two. So here will be my incredible artistic

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1134683630098602322005-12-15T22:52:00.000+01:002005-12-15T22:53:50.110+01:00

Is it allowed? Christmas lights in a little palmtree?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1133430592638987412005-12-01T10:44:00.000+01:002005-12-01T10:49:52.646+01:00

Let's put one thing down very clearly: I am not complaining. I am definitely not complaining that, after almost six weeks of dirtyness and no householdhelpishperson there will finally be a vacuumcleaner around. I will not say anything, at all, about the horibble organisation problems they have, about their lack of professionality. No word coming out of my mouth at all.But, it would have been nice

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1132785685377878652005-11-23T23:37:00.000+01:002005-11-23T23:48:30.906+01:00

Friend J. to noone in particulair at the bar:"I was at University the other day, were all the computers down. Everything. Couldn't log in, couldn't print, no nothing. Went a friend of me to I&A, you know, where they do the computer stuff. Know what they said?'The server switch is posessed. We called in an exorcist, and he declared the switch officially dead. Now we have to install a new switch.'.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1132731765790989982005-11-23T08:38:00.000+01:002005-11-23T08:42:45.820+01:00

Ringgggggg!!!!Doing. Bump. Smash. Thud. Turn around once more.It cannot be morning yet, it is still dark outside. One more tiny itsibitsy tiny minu...RINGGGGGGG!!!Second alarm clock.Cold house, weary eyes.I should but myself one of those coffeemakers with timers, and then one that does tea, so I don't have to wake up before I had ten minutes with a steaming hot cup of warmth.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1132316493254819352005-11-18T13:15:00.000+01:002005-11-18T13:22:21.696+01:00

Normally I do not watch movies. I prefer series, cos of my tendency to dive head first into the movie and stay in there and have trouble climbing out again. Yesterday was a very boring day. So, out of lack for better use of my time, I decided that the time to dive into Middle Earth was there. In the posession of three extended DVD box sets, that would surely give me some destraction.After two

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1132786090460788892005-11-12T19:46:00.000+01:002005-11-23T23:48:10.460+01:00

It should not be permitted for ex boyfriends to start a relationship with your best friend.Not at all. And it should be even more illegal when they have someone and you don't.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1131489141712445462005-11-08T23:17:00.000+01:002005-11-08T23:32:21.760+01:00

The thought of going to the US, either for vacation of for good, has been my mind for some time now. But I never really thought that I'd go. Really emigrating would not really get me any further and for vacation it was just way too expensive.But, off course, there is that slight borderline part.So, two weeks ago, on a wednesday evening, I found myself on a train to Amsterdam Airport and the

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1127752265327363122005-09-26T18:22:00.000+02:002005-09-26T18:31:07.530+02:00

Yesterday I was on a tram to Rotterdam (well, in a train to, and in tram in Rotterdam). I was late for the sub, and this big yellow board at the bus and tram station said that number 23 would take me where I wanted to be. Off course I allready knew that taking an aboveground route would take twice as long as the usual undergrouns route, but hey, I was in no hurry. And allthough I hadn't used

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1124986333748712442005-08-25T18:08:00.000+02:002005-08-25T18:12:13.753+02:00

It's not fair, that nobody cared to warn me if my householdcleaninghelpishperson accidentally when cleaning the kitchen the toastersetting set on 9 instead of the 2 where it always should be...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1123950761583331632005-08-13T18:31:00.000+02:002005-08-13T22:08:31.080+02:00

It should be forbidden to go through some photoalbums and come across something like this... (note: linked photo may be offensive)

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1123440352049070802005-08-07T20:33:00.000+02:002005-08-07T20:45:52.060+02:00

Me and boyfriend S. broke up. Or well, I broke up. I doubted and doubted and pondered about the possible solutions for us and I did not see them. So, for once, I chose for me, I stood my ground, and announced the end.Horrible.He was about six minutes gone and I felt the world was falling down on me. My ratio was telling me that it would pass, that it would wither, would fade. But my ratio was

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1122211468910818552005-07-24T15:23:00.000+02:002005-07-24T15:24:28.920+02:00

Found in a quizzie (yes I do roleplay, for results see below)12. How Sane Are You?*I have a good grasp of reality.*I have a few imaginary friends.*Reality is an annoyance that I have to put up with now and then.*Understanding requires the risk of insanity.*Insanity requires the risk of understanding.*My thoughts and personality never vary; this is "sane".*Fish.wonderfull :DTake the World of

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1121004867345139482005-07-10T15:47:00.000+02:002005-07-10T16:14:34.143+02:00

Tomorrow me, daughterlove and boyfriend are going on a six day holiday to Belgium. Yesterday I packed all Lyka's stuff and piled it all on her desk. Today I got up at ten, watched another ep of Stargate SG1, paused it, wrote some more to do things on the to do list, resumed watching, paused it again, and after it was finally over after one hour and fifty minutes woke up dear boyfriend for the

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1115742686817777412005-05-10T18:28:00.000+02:002005-05-10T18:31:26.836+02:00

Feel.Let it be.Let it be there.Let it in.Lonelyness.Fear.Pain.I hate it.And I have only been in analysis for eight months now...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1112562927531316282005-04-03T21:30:00.000+02:002005-04-03T23:16:00.446+02:00

- What do you want?Or should I say what do you want, there is a difference, with accents and so on.What do I want? I donno.- You see, there is a difference, you can want things now, in general, in this context, and you can want things with the things you want. And of course there are the want-things that can, what do you want when you want things that you can't? Or those that are downright

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1111531539592604462005-03-22T23:42:00.000+01:002005-03-22T23:45:39.593+01:00

Nice new glasses, payd for by my insurance company, and nice and new and purple and small and very trendy. In case I forget to wear my lenses or just don't feel like it.That sunshine today, that wonderfull and lovely yellow thing that said that spring is now finally coming and made the living room heat up till it was twentyeight degrees, that is not at all that loevly when you're in a traffic jam

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1109242110496486752005-02-24T11:28:00.000+01:002005-02-24T11:48:30.496+01:00

I was in this lovely old house. I was on the streets as well. And, for some reason, on the roof. I had boiled water in plastic bottles and they didn't deform. I was a vampire and a werewolf. It was a game, somehwere deep down, the dead people were just.. onfortunate coincidences.Anyway with any clue what this dream was telling me?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1109005024435606802005-02-21T17:33:00.000+01:002005-02-21T17:57:04.436+01:00

One moment you're facing the wind and cold to get to the supermarket for grocery's - who can imagine an evening without hot choco? - and next your home in the warm and fuzzyness of your own couch with some hot tea and some very expansive chocolates you allowed yourself to buy (just this once). An evening of rest and quietness guaranteed.YEK!That tea, I poured that in the cup before I'd left for

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1108392381913467672005-02-14T15:43:00.000+01:002005-02-14T15:46:21.913+01:00

I had bought this perfect and sweet little card to send to my boyfriend for valentine's day. I even bought a stamp and wrote it and sent it un thursday, so it would be on time, considering the fact that I didn't have his postal code. Or well, I thought I sent it. Until I found it in the drawer when I went for grocery's an hour ago...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1108383277802468212005-02-14T13:00:00.000+01:002005-02-14T13:26:12.326+01:00

Some time ago I discovered audiobooks. Lying in bed suddenly became less frightening, insomnia a little less annoying when I let me self be read to on cd. But, as the local library had about six shelves of books on cassette and asssuming that only one-tenth of the total library has books that I find interesting, I ran out of possible books quite soon.A couple weeks ago the monthly paper from the

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1108164327545050862005-02-11T11:19:00.000+01:002005-02-12T00:25:27.546+01:00

Suddenly it occurs to me that I'm almost two years in blogland now. Two whole years. And with a steady visitors group each day. Would it bu possible then that I really do have something interesting to say?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1107977050767976572005-02-09T20:22:00.000+01:002005-02-09T20:24:10.766+01:00

Who am I, to actually asume that I can do such a thing as socializing? Who am I to have such rediculous thoughts about seeing friends and going outdoors? Who am I to want such things anyway...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1106136366398179512005-01-19T13:05:00.000+01:002005-01-19T13:06:33.413+01:00

And again, this wonderful post, I even looked up the right way to spell résumé in the online dictionairy, 'cos here we call it CV and I couldn't figure out where on which vowel I had to put an accent or not. I could, of course, write it again. But when my computer has beaten me, I get stressed. No, I will retreat to my couch and dive in some book with a steaming cup of relaxing tea. No post

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1105612253166046072005-01-13T11:28:00.000+01:002005-01-13T11:32:52.946+01:00

I made this beautifull post about my upcoming first day at my new volunteer job and my crushing fears about it. But, of course, my computer crashed. All bad things always happen at once. Right. I think I might will head for that underground cave with central heating after all...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1104751524303786202005-01-03T13:24:00.000+01:002005-01-03T12:25:24.303+01:00

Juveniledelinquents, is that one word?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1104751417735455122005-01-03T13:11:00.000+01:002005-01-03T12:23:37.736+01:00

New Year seems to be the night for all local juveniledelinquents in and around these flats. All kinds of exploding stuff and a solid concreet staircase, fourteen stories high, that makes one heck of a sound. Not to mension the steel rows of letterboxes on every floor. I was, probably, the only one stupid enough not to empty it on the 30th. So when I picked up the mail today I found a black stain

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1101936989998782022004-12-01T22:08:00.000+01:002004-12-01T22:36:30.000+01:00

I'm not a big royalty fan. I usually feel that 'our' Queen Beatrix wears too many weird hats and that her form of pronouncing Dutch a way is no one utters. So when my usual Wednesday night movie was interrupted for a newsbreak because Prince Bernhard died I wasn't very touched. He was 93, old, been sick quite a long time, yadiyadiyada. All I thought was this: 'Damn.. He'll be burried here (here

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1101333922145856982004-11-24T23:03:00.000+01:002004-11-24T23:08:56.686+01:00

You can overdo on fan'ism.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1099922398922392772004-11-08T14:55:00.000+01:002004-11-08T14:59:58.923+01:00

Finally I figured it out. I have learned nothing. I haven't changed a bit since 2001, when I used to hang in a depressed and catatonic state and watch TV. I still do nothing. All I acquired is knowledge. And a whole bunch of denial. Today I still sit on the couch and watch TV. Only I learned not to be that depressed about it. Hello, lonelyness....

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1099047173188333382004-10-29T13:36:00.000+02:002004-10-29T12:57:17.656+02:00

Having a new obsession is not at all bad. A Mac a day keeps the doctor away they say. I should not worry for watching too much, as long as I still keep on doing the things that I do. So waking up and feeling utter joy 'cos Kazaa's got me another episode is totally within limits. To bad everyone neglected to mension that there were ants in this particulair one. Lots and lots of ants! I hate ants!

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1097869567757547342004-10-15T21:43:00.000+02:002004-10-15T21:46:07.756+02:00

I just drove 900 kilometers in a little over twelve hours. From my home to somewhere in Germany to get some 'alone time'. Too bad I discovered there that I was a little too alone. So I went home again. Now my back hurts like hell and I'm even more broke then I allready was. I am not at all impulsive...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1096904444885572862004-10-04T17:26:00.000+02:002004-10-04T17:40:44.896+02:00

Another friend in the IT business had a spare computer. One that I can buy for hundred euro's. That is, if I could install the by myself so wanted (cos of the failing netweork between Win98 and WinXP) Windows XP on it. Of course I could do that. Who needs manuals and tutors? I can do this on my own. Two days and aching eyes later I search the net for installation guides. The damn thing won't

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1096475219981452702004-09-29T18:02:00.000+02:002004-09-29T18:35:38.220+02:00

Daughter darling will turn six in a couple of weeks. That's a milestone of course and has to be celebrated. Problem is I'm kinda short in cash, but well, what else is new. The good thing is she allready has a bike, so that part of the big gifs is covered. Next in line seems to be a pet. Since she also allready has some fish, due to my mistake when I went shopping for my puppy some years ago and

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1096309811243331062004-09-27T20:25:00.000+02:002004-09-27T20:30:11.243+02:00

"Mister Zalm (one of our ministers) congratulates the president of Pakistan with the murder on one of the Al-Qaeda leaders" Since when do we congratulate people on commiting múrder?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1095877729828094832004-09-22T20:22:00.000+02:002004-09-22T20:28:49.826+02:00

In the middle of the night the lid of my daughter's sand-pit flew off and trew itself at the balconyledge.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1095749584450245352004-09-21T08:49:00.000+02:002004-09-21T08:53:04.450+02:00

I dreamed I was getting a brest operation, painful and comlicated but I'd probably be better after, in a mall.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1095085065378666602004-09-13T16:09:00.000+02:002004-09-13T16:17:45.380+02:00

Me, myself and I. I do not want to live this life, I can't take it anymore. I've grown sick of this couch, seen all the movies twice. I have been there, done that and still the feeling stays. I don't know what to do about it and all I want is run away and hide. Hide from the world but mostly leave and hide from me.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1094399433892428922004-09-05T17:46:00.000+02:002004-09-05T17:51:56.283+02:00

I think I will put a spell on all people around me so that those who did remember my birthday will forget and that those who don't, well, don't. I strongly recommend myself not to have another birthday ever again. So I think every year.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1093348330599781222004-08-24T13:50:00.000+02:002004-08-24T13:52:56.483+02:00

My computer got stolen, I got sick, are left with a headache and have to work from 5 PM till midnight tonight. I feel the need to cry my heart out. Anyone any suggestions on how to do that?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1092166329733173452004-08-10T21:30:00.000+02:002004-08-10T21:32:09.733+02:00

Thinking I could cut my hair a bit cos it will 'look nicer' and discover that I can no longer make a ponytail.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1091880775102914302004-08-07T13:51:00.000+02:002004-08-07T14:12:55.103+02:00

I stopped playing pool 'cos nice ex who abused me was the one who brought the game to my attention. I didn't want anything to do with the game. Stopped doing competition, quit the team. My cue lay dusted in some closet. Then came the tournament, here in town. A big national thing. And I decided to go and see. Watching on tv would be painfull, that was another thing ex and I used to do together,

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1091879756132829292004-08-04T13:51:00.000+02:002004-08-07T13:56:51.826+02:00

I almost felt asleep during CPR lessons.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1091318155791258192004-08-01T00:20:00.000+02:002004-08-01T02:00:28.706+02:00

For some time I want to be thin. Thinner. Thinnest. I don't have an eating disorder in the strictest sense of the word, I never manage to starve myself for more than a month or two, so I never really got thin enough to be anorectic. But the desire is there. Every day. 50 kilo's seems like a very nice weight to me with 1m75 in length. 48 seems better. I envy girls who weigh 25 kilo's, not 'cause I

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1091312851979444352004-07-31T20:20:00.000+02:002004-08-01T02:02:39.816+02:00

Me and my girl finally went for some camping in the south. Nature, lands and woods. Well, as far as there are much of those in so small a country as Holland. To make sure I didn't forgot anything I made a list. Tent, sleeping bags, stuff to cook and eat with, clothes, some toys, it was all on the list. With too many bags I had to walk three times from house to elevator, to car and back. But we

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1090873232358684732004-07-26T22:16:00.000+02:002004-07-26T22:20:32.360+02:00

That tiny red light on my dashboard, shaped like an oilcan, that's supposed to tell me when I'm low on oil doesn't it? Just like the fuel indexlight does that? I haven't looked under the seats of my van for ages. So I stood there, along the highway, barely ten miles from home, running dry. Who needs weekly checkups...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1090028998550052052004-07-17T03:41:00.000+02:002004-07-17T03:51:49.903+02:00

Myrana is missing for more than a week now. I haven't found out what she did to dissapear, or where she is. I called the local vet's and emailed her name to the missing animals foundation. I Searched the flat at least every two days. But I didn't miss her taht much. It was like she was out to sleep over, she was bound to sit and miouw in front of my backdoor anytime now. But since a day or two I

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1090011162650660932004-07-16T22:44:00.000+02:002004-07-16T22:52:42.650+02:00

As a bit of a fan of Tim Burton movies, and as a teenage fan of Johnny Depp, I had to see Edward Scissorhands, which was on tv this evening. For the sixth time or so. Never, in the first five times, have I wondered myself how lonely he must be. How I could relate to that. To be weird, alone, to not have a connection, to have something that is not right, what makes you different from the others.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1090010826179130132004-07-16T20:44:00.000+02:002004-07-16T22:53:01.236+02:00

It's miraculous how my house has changed since my daughter has grown past two years of age. My girlfriend has twins, one and a half year old. They came to visit me this afternoon. My house seems a battlefield right now... :-)

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089655472204078222004-07-12T20:01:00.000+02:002004-07-12T20:04:32.203+02:00

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? A1: Only one, but the bulb has to really *want* to be changed. A2: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready. Suit yourself and pick one of the answers. (personally I think that 1 suits me :-))

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089575705378097912004-07-11T21:52:00.000+02:002004-07-11T22:01:16.336+02:00

How does she do it? She has to be able to disaperate. There was no window open, no door ajar. She's gone again. For two days now. And she's nowhere to be seen around the flat, not even on the 14th floor. But I hope. I have to hope. She'll come back. She just has too.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089573597379521622004-07-11T21:09:00.000+02:002004-07-11T21:19:57.380+02:00

It's the story of my life. I like a girl, eventually tell the girl and she's always heterosexual. Or has a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. They like me though. I'm sweet, nice, cute, a good friend. I'm the 'just friends' girl. It's a naturnal law. Or one of Murphy's, as you please. I don't have girlfriends. Ever. So how come I seem to have got myself one last last friday?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089307244026872942004-07-08T19:18:00.000+02:002004-07-08T19:20:44.026+02:00

This morning: photo upload. To try and make some money out of selling my old clothes. Since I only wear dresses since I fell in love with S., I don't need my old jeans, and I better do something usefull with it. And so I wonder, does it suit me at all, me in jeans?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089305036732119502004-07-08T18:16:00.000+02:002004-07-08T18:43:56.733+02:00

I wanted something totally different. I wanted to be me, a new me, a different, potentially better me. I thought for some time as to how I'd achieve that. No more memories about ex. kjeld, I was going to be someone totally new. Like I never was that red-haired girl who was so unfortunally abused by her ex. I dyed my hair black. And sat behind my pc, too wait for my hair too dry, and found

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089301309295622832004-07-08T17:40:00.000+02:002004-07-08T17:41:49.296+02:00

Should I be happy about living for two weeks without sleepmedicine or joyfull that I am finally rid of my sleepless nights?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089299106961856962004-07-08T17:04:00.000+02:002004-07-08T17:05:06.960+02:00

..and the sun shines! Grrr...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089298966436998492004-07-08T17:00:00.000+02:002004-07-08T17:02:46.436+02:00

And then there was thunder, far away and rumbling. And then there was lightning, closer and louder. And then there was rain, big drops like hail, above me and very wet...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089134973428834672004-07-06T19:29:00.000+02:002004-07-06T19:29:33.426+02:00

Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir. Open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089095387616618332004-07-06T08:23:00.000+02:002004-07-06T08:29:47.616+02:00

I have a LOTR calender. They make calenders about all sorts of things, so for me to have a Lord of the Rings calender is not so strange a thing. Last week I tore of a page about Elvish, the language of the Elfs and some of the 'higher' humans in Middle Earth. As writer J.R.R. Tolkien thought of every detail in Middle Earth, it must also be possible to learn this language. I was gonna surf the net

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089057686613787582004-07-05T22:00:00.000+02:002004-07-05T22:05:58.006+02:00

The answer to my obsession must be: more Buffy's.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089057302527167252004-07-05T21:45:00.000+02:002004-07-05T21:58:56.170+02:00

Tomorrow is the second to last day of my group training. Every week for some fifteen weeks now I and some others with BPD symptoms gather and talk about emotions and how to handle them. Quit a thrill. When I first started I didn't think I would get much out of it, now that we're almost at the end me and my groupmates see more and more links to eachother and the past. And our emotions and the

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089034699545873372004-07-05T15:28:00.000+02:002004-07-05T15:38:19.546+02:00

My cat was missing. Again. When I just moved here she dissapeared and I found her again on the 14th floor. But now she seemed to have vanished without a trace. There was no door open, no window too. I could not explain it and it even took me some time to realize she was gone. Friday my daughter Lyka and I went to the Efteling with friend P. and saturday I was busy with, well, Lyka so I didn't

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1089022299108740082004-07-05T12:06:00.000+02:002004-07-05T12:12:11.280+02:00

Ring. Ring. More Ring. RING. RRRIIINGG!!! My alarmclock told me to get up way before I wanted to get up. In my head pictures of flying a broomstick and playing Quidditch, and strangely, more Angel.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1088990085744985212004-07-05T03:13:00.000+02:002004-07-05T03:14:45.743+02:00

1.00 AM 2.00 AM 3.00 AM ... It should not be allowed to be awake at this hour.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1088976142255840722004-07-04T23:17:00.000+02:002004-07-05T03:26:27.513+02:00

Do you know that feeling? That thing inside you what wantes to cry, to scream, to let out all the horrors inside? To let the whole world know how miserable you feel? I'm not very good at that. I tend to use movies and series for that. Watch titanic when I feel the need to cry and so on. My last obsession seems to be Buffy, or well, Willow. Or Angel, or... whatever. I have dvd's on season one

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1072338600899627022003-12-25T08:50:00.000+01:002003-12-25T11:35:53.966+01:00

Vanaf vandaag: ik ben verplaatst. Tylani.free.fr heet ik voortaan. Hier dus. Met dank aan Puck.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1072298844122844862003-12-24T21:47:00.000+01:002003-12-24T21:48:23.216+01:00

Ze is lief.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1072288478008155142003-12-24T18:54:00.000+01:002003-12-24T21:48:53.153+01:00

Meneer van woningbouw komt inspectie doen. Of ik geen muren heb weggebroken en of er geen gaten in de vloer zitten. Meneer van woningbouw komt inspectie toch niet doen. 'Woningruil? Daar staat niets over in de stukken? Dat is me niet verteld. Ja, natuurlijk is het allemaal heel vervelend zo, maar als u geen overname formulieren heeft die zijn getekend door de nieuwe huurder dan kan ik geen

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1072285856682029312003-12-24T18:10:00.000+01:002003-12-24T18:11:56.123+01:00

I cried myself to sleep tonight I cried and cried and cried and cried But no matter how much tears I shed The image of you wouldn't leave my head I cried myself to sleep tonight You are not by my side And because I asked you to leave my side I cried and cried and cried and cried...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1072179332126485022003-12-23T12:35:00.000+01:002003-12-23T12:37:04.950+01:00

Is het feit dat ik steeds tegen muren op wil lopen en in het bijzijn van anderen in huilen uit wil barsten en om me heen wil schoppen en slaan en in een hoekje wil wegkruipen en tegerlijkertijd vrolijk en gezellig wil zijn een uiting van mijn gestoorde geest of is dat normaal als je relatie op zo'n afgrijselijke manier uitgaat?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1072178834089641842003-12-23T12:27:00.000+01:002003-12-23T12:28:12.090+01:00

Waarom zegt iedereen dat ik het zo geweldig doe met het verwerken van (ex-)vriendje?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1072178501748592212003-12-23T12:21:00.000+01:002003-12-23T12:24:20.263+01:00

Er was eens een meisje. Een meisje met een bus. Niet zomaar een bus, maar een mooie, grote, met graffity bespoten bus. Ook een bus met een hoop deuken, maar een kniesoor die daar op let. Het meisje ging met vriendinnen V. en N. op wereldreis. Helemaal naar de groothandel in Weesp. Voor die reis moesten er natuurlijk een aantal dingen gebeuren, de tank van de bus moest vol en de banden moesten

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1072177197361669482003-12-23T11:59:00.000+01:002003-12-23T12:25:12.996+01:00

Ik ga verhuizen. Dat wist u. Nu moet ik om te kunnen verhuizen een nieuw paspoort hebben. De oude was verlopen en had bovendien mijn oude achternaam er nog op. Zonder nieuw paspoort mag ik geen huurcontract tekenen. Allemaal heel logisch. Vanmiddag komt mijn woningbouw bij mij een controle doen. Om te kijken hoe het huis eraan toe is, of ik geen muren heb uitgebroken en meer van dat al. Dat

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1072128147471287122003-12-22T22:22:00.000+01:002003-12-22T22:24:19.983+01:00

....kan ik wel een reactie typen op een logje van vriendin P. maar schijn ik niet meer concentratie op te kunnen brengen voor het schrijven van een stukje in mijn eigen log?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1071741288749412902003-12-18T10:54:00.000+01:002003-12-18T10:55:41.373+01:00

Het is uit tussen mij en vriendje. Omdat hij iets heeft gedaan wat ik nooit voor mogelijk zou houden dat ik het zou toestaan: me mishandeld. En nu word ik aan duizend stukjes gescheurd van binnen. Want ik hou van hem. En mis hem. En voel me bang en afgrijselijk en herbeleef en ben bang en durf niet te slapen en en..... Dientengevolge ben ik er even niet.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1071398055559392732003-12-14T11:34:00.000+01:002003-12-14T11:35:04.500+01:00

Wist u, dat als je de deur van een vriezer op een heel klein kiertje laat openstaan er hele mooie maar volstrekt onbruikbare ijsbloemen en ijssculpturen in de vriezer gaan ontstaan?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1071397042625407322003-12-14T11:17:00.000+01:002003-12-14T11:27:26.920+01:00

Begon het volgens mij al vrijdag toen S. de winkel binnenstapte. Ik had haar een maand of wat niet gezien en stond onwennig te vragen hoe het ging en of ik haar ergens mee kon helpen. Na vijf minuten was ze weer weg, met de melding dat ze nog niet zeker wist of ze naar de vereniging zou komen 's avonds. Vanaf dat moment was daar: au. Gespecificeerd in angst-ik wil haar zien-verliefdheid-pijn-ik

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1071396529106530232003-12-14T11:08:00.000+01:002003-12-14T11:09:38.390+01:00

Het nut van een planning maken ligt niet in het strikt volgen ervan, maar in het kunnen afwijken. Flexibel zijn zonder stress, doordacht impulsief zijn. Mijn planning van het weekend zag er ongeveer zo uit: Vrijdag 09.30 - 12.15 uur: Therapie. 12.15 - 21.00 uur: Werken in de winkel bij V. 21.00 - 05.30 uur: Werken in de vereniging. 06.30 - ?? : Slapen. Zaterdag ?? - 17.00 uur:

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1071213982631964422003-12-12T08:26:00.000+01:002003-12-12T08:27:09.686+01:00

Zometeen moet ik weg. En dan ben ik morgenochtend om een uur of half zes pas weer terug. Ik probeer een knuffel met vriendje in te roosteren voor morgen zondagmiddag.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1071134413564847312003-12-11T10:20:00.000+01:002003-12-11T10:24:07.296+01:00

Het schijnt dat er programma's op de markt gaan komen die zoeken meer richting vinden gaan sturen. Dat je dus niet meer 31587 sites krijgt en die dan allemaal af moet om te kijken of het in de buurt komt van wat je zoekt. Het programma gaat vast geld kosten want 'ook libelle lezers moeten het kunnen bedienen'. Ik heb zo het vermoeden dat men gewoon wil dat ik minder tijd achter mijn computer

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1071131248368260162003-12-11T09:27:00.000+01:002003-12-11T09:28:14.340+01:00

Heb ik eindelijk waar ik al jaren over lieg, over verzin en wat ik altijd heel graag wilde hebben: een eigen paard. Waarom word ik dat aan het einde van de droom afgestraft, als in het leven en voor het durven hebben verzinnen van het idee, met een regen van bliksemachtige en pijnlijke vuurbollen?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1071095809716124792003-12-10T23:36:00.000+01:002003-12-10T23:37:35.140+01:00

Is het gerechtvaardigd om heel boos te worden op mijn lief omdat hij de TV op standby heeft laten staan omdat ik door kortsluiting in de TV brand heb gehad vorig jaar?

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1071095732399692452003-12-10T23:35:00.000+01:002003-12-10T23:36:17.840+01:00

Dat het koud was vandaag dat had ik kunnen bedenken. Ik, die heel de dag de radio aan heb en dus ieder uur, en vaak ook nog om het halve uur, met hetzelfde nieuws word geconfronteerd had dat moeten onthouden. Dat het zokoud zou zijn had ik echter niet verwacht. koude neus, zere handen en mijn oren te pijnlijk om walkmandopjes in te stoppen. Maar het geld is op en ik moest en zou naar delft en dus

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1070918924740751602003-12-08T22:28:00.000+01:002003-12-08T22:29:28.373+01:00

Even gauw iets met u delen, voor ik eindelijk naar bed vertrek. Ik ben op tijd opgestaan (trots!), ben naar therapie geweest, heb alles uitgelegd en heb de kans gekregen. Ik mag geen dag meer te laat komen in de komende twee weken. Maar dat kan ik. Dat moet ik kunnen.

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1070918551303109702003-12-08T22:22:00.000+01:002003-12-08T22:29:56.263+01:00

Toen ik op de middelbare school zat had ik vrienden op de Havo voor Muziek en Dans. Dat is zo'n beetje de vooropleiding voor het conservatorium en de dansacademie. Ik had vrienden die muziek deden en vriendinnen die dansten. Veel dansten. Dansen is niet iets wat je zomaar even doet, dansen is je leven. En dansers horen dun te zijn. Vrouwelijke dansers in ieder geval. Ik heb leraren horen zeuren

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1070917983476959812003-12-08T22:13:00.000+01:002003-12-08T22:31:26.966+01:00

Een ramp is het. Een regelrechte ramp. Morgen moet ik achter de bar staan in mijn vereniging, zoals iedere dinsdag. Alleen op de dagen dat ik moet poolen ben ik er niet. Het is een beetje mijn dinsdag. Ik ken alle vaste klanten, heb de koffie al in het kopje nog voor ze het gevraagd hebben en maak met iedereen een gezellig praatje. Sociale contacten, gezellig, leuk. Maar nu las ik vanmiddag dat

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1070867547163618422003-12-08T08:12:00.000+01:002003-12-08T08:13:10.326+01:00

Als iemand anders iets heeft en het is mooi het ook willen? Ik wil ook MiniTylani...

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1070867453581383612003-12-08T08:10:00.000+01:002003-12-08T08:17:19.076+01:00

Heeft u hem gezien, gisteren op het journaal? Ben ik de enige die vind dat onze premier Jan Peter Balkenende er uit ziet als een pop die door een buikspreker bediend word? Ik heb nog nooit iemand met zo weinig emotie een geboorte zien aankondigen. Ik heb de hele persconferentie gezien, ze zag er erg snoezig uit. Ik wil haar naam weten, en stiekum foto's zien van Maxima met baby. En ik ben niet

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633021.post-1070835473890711002003-12-07T23:17:00.000+01:002003-12-07T23:18:36.623+01:00

Donderdag was ik verkouden. Echt afgrijselijk verkouden. Loopneus, kriebel en dat verschrikkelijke jeukende, haast pijnlijke gevoel tot in mijn voorhoofd. En dus wilde ik slapen. Toen ik vrijdagochtend om half twaalf wakker werd van de op het raam bonzende mensen die de watermeter kwamen installeren kwam ik tot de conclusie dat zes slaappillen omdat ik perse wilde slapen misschien een beetje veel

tylanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02632910205295857639noreply@blogger.com0