Wishful thinking.

It was New Years night. There were friends and acquaintances but still she felt alone. She watched the fireworks from behind the train window and joined the group for the walk to best friend K. where the food and the champagne would be. Nobody knew, she hid it well, or at least, she thought she did. Nobody said anything about it, and it suited her well. She managed to skip te food, there were so many people in the house that noone seemed to see what did or did not get eaten.

She slept with her best friend in her best friends mothers big bed and stood the next morning at the kitchen table, hair all fuzzy and with a white and tired face. Best friends mum would make her famous januari first breakfast, with home made bread and croissants and more of all that. With sweaty hands she stood at the table. 'I'm not really that hungry', she tried in a whisper. And, 'I'm not really a breakfast person'. And suddenly, the bom went off. Mum stopped dead in her tracks and watched. Not the shallowly quick look, but the penetrating, seeing you for the first time kinda look.

'Don't eat breakfast? You weigh like nothing! If you would lose any more weight you'd fly away!' mother exclaimed. 'When was the last time you ate anything anyway?' The girl stood there and looked at the linoleum, murmured something. Friend K. got mad. Really really mad. Mum got mad. They shouted and sweared at eachother. 'How on earth could you not see that it was this far!' shouted mum at her daughter. K. yelled back that she could have seen it herself, it was there lying in front of her all the time. She turned to the girl. 'You! Will! Eat!' she breathed.

Then I woke at the alarmclock. It was all a dream. I do not have any eating problems whatsoever...